Cluedo 2 at Leeds Playhouse

It has been a long summer with very few productions at Leeds Playhouse and none at the Grand and so I have only been to the theatre once since the beginning of June! I saw the first Cluedo play a couple of years ago and thought it was awful, but, being an optimist, I approached this sequel with an open mind, remembering that Godfather 2 and Aliens were generally considered to be superior to the originals. Cluedo 2 had obviously taken into account all of the flaws highlighted in my review of its antecedent – and amplified them so as to make this version even more inane.

When I said that I had only been to the theatre once since early June, that was not strictly true, as three weeks ago I was at the operating theatre in Harrogate Hospital where I had a supporting role as Patient with Hernia. The stars of the show were obviously the medical team who performed the operation, and whom I shall thank in my BAFTA acceptance speech when we will obviously be up for a major award. During my time in the theatre at Harrogate I was under general anaesthetic to prevent me from feeling any pain, I had no such luxury here, having to endure the experience fully compos mentis. After what seemed like an age, I took a sly peep at my watch to find that only twenty minutes had passed and I wished that, rather than seeing a timepiece attached to my wrist, there had been a cannula there along with a mask over my nose and mouth.

Jason Durr as Colonel Mustard, Ellie Leach as Miss Scarlett and Mrs Peacock, Hannah Boyce

The first thing to note is that this is not a sequel as, on looking back at my original review, the original was set in 1949 and most of the characters were killed off. This one is of 1968 vintage but the same participants have all miraculously come back to life.

Once again, the action takes place in a country house, the one difference being that its owner is, judging by his latest demo tapes, a heavy metal rock star, Rick Black (Liam Horrigan), looking to make a comeback after his career has waned. He must have nosedived pretty darned quickly as the genre only began in 1968 with the formation of bands such as Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. As I pointed out in my previous piece, accuracy is not one of the strong points in this franchise.

Anyway, he is dispatched fairly early on in the proceedings, in fact almost as soon as his guests have arrived, for what is to be a couple of days making a commercial for his celebrity gin, called Mother’s Ruin, and to discuss the renovation of the pile by Miss Scarlett (Ellie Leach), a Swinging Sixties designer. Rick’s acolytes are also in attendance: Colonel Mustard (Jason Durr), his American manager, Professor Plum (Edward Howells), his gofer, Reverend Green (Gabriel Paul), an old band mate and Mrs Peacock (Hannah Boyce), Rick’s wife who has kept her first husband’s surname, presumably to assist with the colour coding. There is also the housekeeper Mrs White (Dawn Buckland). They are joined by Wadsworth (Tiwai Muza), an actor who is dressed as a butler in preparation for the filming of the advert the following day and the ad’s director with the surname Grey but whose first name I have forgotten and who doesn’t get a credit in the programme. There are also brief appearances from a Detective, again uncredited, but possibly Liam Horrigan multitasking, and PC Silver (Audrey Anderson). The story is irrelevant as one by one the characters are bumped off.

The production is supposed to be a comedy but that is to flatter it beyond credibility. It is just plain silly in all aspects, especially the direction by Mark Bell who appears to go out of his way to ruin any semblance of wit by having everyone shout their lines, strike ridiculous poses or indulge in silly walks whilst scene shifting. The timing of the few jokes is also as precise as a sundial in the dark. What few jokes there are, again in keeping with the first attempt, are repeated numerous times; the constant denial by Wadsworth of his being a real butler, the difference between American English and the mother tongue is flogged to death, as is the correct use of ‘who’ and ‘whom’ in a sentence. Hal Green being mistaken for Al Green became so tedious as to be borderline boring.

Gabriel Paul as Hal Green and Dawn Buckland as Mrs White

The one chance there was to hit the audience with a one-off topical joke was delivered so badly that it appeared to go completely unnoticed, when, for no apparent reason at all, the cast began dancing and a glitter ball was lowered from the flies. This prompted Colonel Mustard to say to Miss Scarlett that she danced quite well. I swear I saw tumbleweed blow across the set. For those who are unaware, Ellie Leach, who played Miss Scarlett, won the 2023 series of Strictly Come Dancing!

Ironically, the most amusing part of the piece was unintentional in that Wadsworth, who was not only an actor but also a ventriloquist, used the dead body of Rick Black as his dummy when trying to convince Mr Grey that he was still alive, by standing behind him, imitating his voice and making hand gestures as though he were the singer. We have seen this happen so many times before that it wasn’t funny per se, and probably won’t be for the rest of the run, but tonight the actor who was in the programme as playing Wadsworth, Jack Bennett, was unable to do so, the role being taken by Tiwai Muza, who was by far the best actor in the cast. The rub is that Mr Bennett is white, whereas Mr Muza is black, thus making the deceased two-tone.

When I go to press nights I always take a few opportunities to see what the audience’s reaction is to the show because I realise that tastes vary and I might be missing something. I can honestly say that I have never seen such indifference to a play. As the evening wore on there was more unrest with someone crumpling a plastic water bottle for ages and a woman behind me sighing loudly every couple of minutes. And, guess what, it didn’t bother me one bit. At the end, the only people who rose to their feet did so in order to leave.

What surprises me most of all is that the piece was written by Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran, who were responsible for Birds of a Feather, Goodnight Sweetheart and Shine on Harvey Bloom which, although not laugh out loud funny, were gently amusing. They also wrote The New Statesman which was a bit more satirical if not very sophisticated.

As an aside, in a summer during which Leeds has celebrated one of Waddington’s games, by turning the city into a giant Monopoly board, I find it almost insulting that another one, Cluedo, has once more been treated in this puerile manner.

For more details and to book, please go to https://www.leedsplayhouse.org.uk/event/cluedo-2/

Feature image provided by Leeds Playhouse. Photographs by Alastair Muir.